My Rant On Why Rush Got Rammed

As some of your may have heard, Rush Limbaugh’s bid to purchase the Saint Louis Rams as part of a consortium was unceremoniously brought to an end when he was dropped by his fellow investors. Oops. Sorry Rush. In turns out that your incendiary rhetoric does has its consequences, especially when in one instance you claimed that praise of Donovan McNabb was due to a latent desire on the part of the public for a black quarterback to be successful, as if Doug Williams’ Super Bowl victory with the Redskins (an unfortunate name if I’ve ever heard one), and Randall Cunningham’s baller, record setting season with the Vikings had never happened. Idiot. Anyway, when he was criticized by the NFL Players Union, Indianapolis Colts owner Jim Irsay, and NFL Commish Paul Tagli…oops…Roger Goodell, it basically was said without saying it that any bid by a group including Limbaugh would fail because, well, nobody likes him. Okay, so maybe it’s unfair. After all, as an editorial in the Wall Sheet (like shit but stretched out to rhyme with street) Journal opined

“What happened here, and is happening elsewhere in American life, is that Mr. Limbaugh’s outspoken political conservatism is being deemed sufficient reason to ostracize him from polite society. By contrast, MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann, who fires off his own brand of high-velocity, left-wing political commentary but lacks Mr. Limbaugh’s sense of humor, appears weekly as co-host of NBC’s “Football Night in America.” We haven’t heard anyone on the right say Mr. Olbermann’s nightly ad-hominem rants should disqualify him from hanging around the NFL. Al Franken made it all the way to the U.S. Senate on a river of political vitriol.”

Right, bros. Absolutely. As usual, you are on point. The reason Rush Limbaugh is being ostracized from polite society is because he is a total jackass. I don’t imagine Carrot Top, Mel Gibson, or Paris Hilton being allowed to  buy an NFL team either. And, to compare this to Al Franken’s ELECTION to the US Senate is patently absurd. The selection of NFL owners isn’t a democratic practice, jackasses. If the people of Minnesota want to elect Franken, fine, it’s their choice. Just like it’s the choice of the NFL to decide that letting Rush Limbaugh into their already exclusive coterie of owners is something they don’t really want to do. They like their squeaky clean image. People with money are a dime a dozen–Rush isn’t special. But, he is uniquely ill-equipped to deal with people who don’t worship the ground he walks on or spew the same intellectually bankrupt, half-baked, and insipid political claims he makes on a day to day basis. It isn’t about his conservative politics–Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is as conservative as they come–it’s because Rush Limbaugh might be the biggest (and perhaps most powerful) douchebag in America this side of Hollywood–Glenn Beck aside.  Also, I suspect the NFL might require a college degree of all owners–one year at Southeast Missouri State (where?) definitely doesn’t count. Sorry, Glenn Beck, that means you’re out too–one class at Yale is pretty “cool” though.

Anyway, Keith Olbermann is a fucking commentator, not the owner of an NFL team, and has never said anything as remotely offensive as Limbaugh has in the past and continues to do today. The position of commentator and owner are not congruous, dipshits. Olbermann is already paid by NBC to be a pundit on MSNBC. So, in a sense, they are merely giving one of their main news channel personalities even more facetime in a scenario he is very familiar with from his time on ESPN. Sounds like good business to me, something you guys should get behind like a Republic Senator in a public airport restroom. Man, you can always depend on the Wall Shit Journal to make some erroneous connections between mostly unrelated and distinct cases to back up an already questionable but predictable political point. I think they are slowing sliding toward the New York Post in shittiness. Thank god for Tom Frank. 

So, WSJ, stick to economics, jackasses. You have no idea how to even begin to understand American culture when you are constantly viewing it from your Central Park East penthouse apartment, Madison Square Garden courtside seats, or the 70 inch HD TV at Fizz Restaurant and Club, while sipping on your fifty dollar Johnny Walker Blue on ice (pussies), and wondering which high priced call girl service to call up before you tell your wife you’re gonna “work late.” I wonder if, like Governor Spitzer, you like girls who will do things that “aren’t quite safe.” Pervs. Stop wishing you were Patrick Bateman, cheating on your wife with your mistress, and on your mistress with your nanny. Develop a moral compass that isn’t constantly aimed toward your bank account, get over the fact that you went to Princeton and, perhaps most importantly, get off Rush Limbaugh’s old, wrinkly, saggy, hairy nuts. Actually, if you just do the last, everything else might fall into place. 

By the way, good job covering the economic crisis. It was all Paul Krugman’s fault, right?


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