Okay everyone, I was all fired up to write a scathing editorial on how much Republicans like Jeff Sessions who voted against Al Franken’s miilitary appropriations amendment that would basically ensure, among other things, that women (and potentially men) who work for private firms with government contracts abroad have legal recourse in the event of something criminal being done to them by their coworkers. The famous case that the news media has picked up is the story of one Jamie Leigh Jones, a woman who worked for a company owned by Halliburtion–Dick Cheney’s old stomping and chomping grounds–, was drugged and then gang raped by an unknown number of her coworkers when she was 19 years old in 2005. Anyway, so Franken was all like, “yo, its fucked up that because of a clause in her contract, she was disallowed from pursuing legal and criminal action against her attackers.” Indeed, these people who worked at KBR (the company she worked at) even thwarted any attempts to investigate the matter and crucial evidence of the crime “disappeared.” Anyway, Jeff “the rape of women is just one small cost for freedom and free markets” Sessions of the great state of Alabama voted against this amendment, along with thirty or so of his Republican cronies. Well holy fuck, Jefferson Beaurgarde Sessions III, you are one royal piece of Southern fried shit with a name that just screams asshole. This is before I even mention that you are the same throwback ole’ Southern boy who once said that you thought that the Ku Klux Klan was “OK until I found out they smoked pot.” Not to mention claims that you referred to black coworkers and adults as “boy” and called a white civil rights attorney a “disgrace to his race.” Man you suck. I also can’t help wondering if your name, given that you are the third dipshit in your family to have it, is in honor of that late, great man Jefferson Davis, the one and only President of that late, great nation, The Confederate States of America, who I might add we (the North + some Negroes in black regiments) TROUNCED/PWNED in the motherfucking Civil War, bitches. And then, just to rub shit in with a healthy dose of fresh and organic sea salt purchased at the first Trader Joe’s at Fort Vegan in PA, we let General Sherman bend you over and treat you like a character from Titus Andronicus to add mad injury and insult to the pretty damn significant injury we already inflicted upon the sorry ass lot of redneck scumbags that I’m sure you are a descendent of. Bam! How you like that parochial, provincial, regionalistic and jingoistic prejudice? Fuck you and the donkey you rode in on. I hope your daughters are ashamed of their father.
I want nothing to do with the brand of frrrreedom that you support. I would burn an American flag on your doorstep if I could and hide a bunch of dog poop underneath it so that when you tried to put it out due to your undying love for the stars and bars you would get burned dog poop on your Hush Puppies. Then I would TP your house and key what I’m sure is an American made car in your driveway (because you love America, even Detroit, despite the fact that it’s above the Mason-Dixon line, which is obviously ‘less’ American than Alabama). In summation, I would like to vigorously say, “Fuck you you slimy, morally repugnant, white supremacist, woman hating, good ole’ boy dirtbag.” A pox on your house, bitch.
(Fail on my part. Cursing, Irate, etc. Sorry)